You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
