i think my mom watched the whole time
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize