I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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