Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
