she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
