Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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