Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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