Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
