Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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