Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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