i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize