I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
