i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In other news, I just burned my penis
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
