Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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