omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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