Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
