I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize