Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
