Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
