Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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