White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
