Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
