forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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