Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
