Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
