She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
