so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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