Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
