I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
