This girl is more easily done than said...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We left the knife in your bed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
