I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
