there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
