Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
