Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
