You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
