I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
