Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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