How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
