Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
