How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
