oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize