I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
