her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Edward fifth and chaser hands
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
