Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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