i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
