what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
