i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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