hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
