Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
