she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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