They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
