I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
