I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
