That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
