Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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