Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
