I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
