You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
