we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
