is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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