I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
