I am midnight drunk by noon
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
