dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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