I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize