I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
