So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
