Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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