One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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