My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
