We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
