I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
