Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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