his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The feeling are messing with the penis
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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