Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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