Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
