i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize