his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
