Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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