I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
