I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
