I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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