I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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