if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
