so that wasnt chicken after all
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
