ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
