bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
