Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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