he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
