She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
