i think my tv is drunk
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
