now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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