i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
there is puke in my bra ... again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
