some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
