I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize